Perhaps I am not focused enough in my scope, you know?  Perhaps I won’t achieve much of anything if I keep trying to do 3 or 4 jobs well simultaneously, or at least in my mind’s eye.  I think the priorities that I actually have need to line up with the ones in my mind.

It seems obvious, I guess.  It’s not when you’re living it.  It’s very easy to miss the mark, mentally, but continue to go on with whatever is best in the moment, over and over again, and not catch the incongruence.

Translation from Jen-ese: I’m realizing that I may have to give up on some goals/roles if I really want to move forward.  I’m just not sure which goals are best to drop, but I have a hunch… a hunch that music creation may be the thing to drop.  Not that I wouldn’t continue pursuits as a hobby, but to be honest with myself that it’s not worth the job frustration to constantly keep it in the mix.

Well, nothing is decided, but my gut is my gut.  We’ll see how this plays out, won’t we?  I’d have no regrets if that came to pass, you know.  I’m much closer to be in a place I am happy with because of my music skills and all of the time I have devoted to them, so there is no retroactive loss.  I see it more as a consolidation, rather than a loss.

Time will tell.

I want to create a non-profit that provides after school programs for kids to create and design video games, while also participating in contests where they can win scholarship money for college.

It seems like a smart idea, to me, but I’m just not sure of how to do it.

This is truth.  I have had this idea, in the back of my mind, that there must be a way to encourage a pro-creation, perhaps less consumerism-y attitudes in kids.  I know of so many people – yes, young people! – who are so driven to be hand-fed their entertainment, every day.  They don’t understand the value in creating, in crafting.  They hyperdigest games and look blankly at the screen when there is nothing left.

I want to offer an alternative.  I want to gear kids towards creating and solving, rather than having disks/cartridges that solve those problems for them.

Ideally, this would be a non-profit.  I would want the money coming in to go towards scholarships that enable kids with passion to create – and do so smartly!  – to go on to higher education with less stress on their parents.

Do I seem like an idealist?  I think this can be done, and can be effective.  Schools seem to be in dire need of more after-school programs around here, and in many other places.

Some bullet points on what I would probably need:

• Smart tools for creating simple games from scratch (think WarioWare DIY and Construct)
• Those who are passionate about teaching, and do it well, to help design curriculum and activities
• Math, art, computer science whizkids to help me make meaningful lessons in design
• I would love to incorporate teaching algorithms into the design curriculum… mmm.
• NON-PROFIT EDUCATION
• FUNDING EDUCATION (these are in CAPS because they are the most intimidating!)

If you have any tips, please pass them my way.

All ideas/suggestions appreciated!  We’ll also be at the STS-132 NASA shuttle launch, which should be fantastic!

I’ve probably missed my chance to celebrate at all, as most folks celebrate in mid-April, but I have to give it a shot!  Locals, give me details!

My friend-code is 2751 3945 0117 and my nickname is Jenothy.  Please give me yours so we can start sharing games and whatnot!

P.S.: I accidentally tasted Bitter Yuck! spray this week.  Yes, the spray that is intended for CATS.  I’ve never tasted something so horrible and so difficult to get the taste out of my mouth.  Yuck for serious!  I can’t believe it doesn’t work on my cats.  Perhaps I should make a microgame about it as a catharsis.

I’ve got lots of exciting projects in the cooker, but nothing to show for it yet!  It’s a pain, I know!  I’m hoping to at least finish my Theremin project soon, but there’s no guarantee.  Also, if you have any tips for wading through boxes of memorabilia, please pass them along.  It looks like I may be moving in the direction of Greenville when my lease is up, but I don’t want to do that without owning much less, you know?  Moving is such a pain, and I hope to be the smartest I’ve ever been about the process this time.

Oh, and a certain lovely boyfriend recently surprised me with WarioWare D.I.Y.!  I hope to make a few little games that don’t stink.  I’ll be sure to share them when they’re born.

Before I forget: my time was monopolize by a crazy accident on 85 South, coming from Spartanburg to Greenville.  It took me ages to get out of it!  Just terrible!

Today, by comparison, will be spent in a rural stretch of land where my apartment is.  Occasionally, I will hear a car pass by on the road.  One of my neighbors told me that the traffic on the road was “ghastly and loud,” that living near it was nearly “unbearable.”  I had to pause, because this place has been one of the most peaceful places I have ever lived.  We are a few hundred feet from one another, I’d wager.

There are times when I miss Japan for reasons like these.  The kind of respect that people would have for strangers – for each other – was so high.  It was communicated daily in those morning commutes, even when the A/C didn’t work in the subway cars.  Regardless, you needed to respect those around you by moving little and making no sound or unnecessary gestures so everyone would keep cool in a difficult situation.  That is humanity, to me, or maybe the essence of human collectives.  Feeling that conformity for the greater good was both sublimating and fascinating.

October 22nd, 2007 in “Silence Theory”:

An intriguing topic came up in my Digital Audio Processing class at NYU: by listening to music while you study, it forces what you are reviewing to enter a different part of your memory.  What you learn can be recalled easily, but you cannot interact with it deeply because of the multiprocessing of learning and, in a sense, ignoring the music around you.Interesting.

I tried doing 60 pages or so of reading yesterday for classes that needed to be internalized more than memorized.   I did this in silence. By the time I finished, I found myself desperately craving sound, music, and change.   However, I can definitely say that what I read is well inside my brain.

The key is balance, I believe.  If you force yourself to encounter too many sensations at once, consciousness dictates that some information will be absorbed and the rest will have to subside. By trying to read deeply, you desensitize yourself to the background music…

The other day, I was working in the NYU: ITP fabrication shop on a midterm project. During the course of the evening, the hum of the shop and clatter of people created nearly unworkable conditions.  I put in strong earplugs and, to my surprise, found them entirely ineffective.   The speech of people was too impulsive – too much articulation – and that could not be numbed enough by my devices.   I gave up the moment and left until less intrusive conditions resumed.

The respect of space, in such confined arenas, seems totally lost.   When I traveled by train and subway in Japan, the unspoken law of quiet and spatial respect nearly deafened my preexisting Western cultural norms.  I was instantly subdued to the group acceptance of these two rules by the sheer encompass of them.   Somehow, we do not communicate the same understanding or observation of strong, positive social suggestions by ourselves: we need libraries or other declared quiet spaces for that purpose.  The struggle of one soldering student, it seems, does not even tip a balance to the casual many.

Are we hardwiring ourselves to be ignorant of undesired sound scapes?

Are we losing sensitivity to the natural consciousness of our sound environment?

Would a good teaspoon of silence each day regain an awareness of what we are forced to miss?

I’m glad to resuscitate these older thoughts from a grave in a PHP database.  It just didn’t seem right to copy/paste them into the Multiblog without some background and reflection.

I was originally turned off to Atlanta after visiting the Georgia Aquarium on a Sunday (around Valentine’s Day, if you must know).  We drove around to check the area out, but it seemed, well, dead.  If you lived/played in Greenwich Village for a few years, like I did, you kind of have an expectation of what a “real” city is supposed to be like.   Walking through Washington Square Park, hearing who was jamming before I stepped into an over-crowded studio/classroom for some music tech lecture or whatnot… that was my life for two years.  It was also the best part of my commute into the city from Jersey City.  Anyway, we must’ve been cruising through Atlanta’s financial district or something, but we couldn’t find where the hip kids were at.  Maybe it’s more of a commuter city?  I was creeped out by the lack of people walking around on a fairly sunny day, but maybe it’s just not that kind of scene.  I don’t know.  I’m still bugging my Atlanta-prone friends about where I should’ve been exploring.

The real push to attend TGC, aside from networking in the game industry I call my “home”, was to check out Raleigh.  For better or worse, I know that I need to think about where I should relocate at the end of the year.  Not that Spartanburg has done me wrong, particularly, but I know that my options have been extremely limited, even as a technologist, and that telecommuting for most of my work has been an eye-opener into what I value about work.  Some of it doesn’t need an office (getting to know people), but some… well, maybe some does. (You know that chit-chat when you just get in, or those conversations over lunch where you discover that your cubicle mate has the same breed of cat that you do?  I don’t have those serendipitous face-to-face moments.  Ever.  It’s always a voice or an asynchronous exchange.)  This isn’t just a matter of telecommuting, but probably a facet of being a contractor – your time is always billed, and who wants to get billed for chit-chat?  You’re more of a cog in a machine than a member of the work family, which is something I miss about studio life.  However, I have seen consultants in I.T. become part of the teams that are also their clients.  Perhaps it’s a matter of culture, but I’m sure that seeing my bright, cheery, I-totally-love-working-in-games-even-doing-this-boring-task-How-are-you-today face would be a positive asset if face-to-face contact was more common.

Anyway, there’s no guarantee that I would gain any of this by relocating.  More and more studios rely on telecommuters to keep overhead/office expenses down, so it may just be a sign of the times that so much of my work has come through that venue.

The other half of it, aside from “career positioning” or what have you, is the area.  I lived in Sussex, NJ, where there were cows.  Some people (non-NJ natives) still don’t believe there were cows, or that I didn’t immediately know what “exit I was off of the Turnpike.”  That one is so old.  Please, give it a rest.  I lived in Pennsylvania for my undergrad (small school) and Jersey City with a commute into Manhattan for graduate studies (NYU… big school).  Despite living in so many different places, I’m just not sure where I belong.

I really enjoyed my time in Raleigh, though.  So clean, so friendly… I was just surprised.  Oh, and those parks throughout the city!  And trees!  There’s a lot I haven’t touched on yet, so I’m planning a return trip in a few months to see if it’s where I should settle, perhaps for more than a year or two!  I’ve been a nomad for the past bunch of years.  I hope to change that.  Maybe I’ll figure this out before my lease on this apartment ends!

Therefore, I’ve been looking up tips on networking and conferencing.  I don’t know many folks in North Carolina yet, but I hope to change that soon.  I’ve been listening to an interesting podcast on approaching groups at Manager Tools.  I’m still pretty awkward at conferences, but I hope this will better my odds of being less shy/more sure of myself.

I’ll be late for the first day, but I’ll be there both days!  If you plan on attending, feel free to send me an e-mail so we can meet up!

If you’re curious about my adventures, you can still read about them!  It’s strange for me to read this old travel log now, as there are so many things that would have been less surprising if my first trip had been done when I was older.

Enjoy!

http://jen-in-japan.blogspot.com/

However, I know the need for immediate satisfaction is among us!  Therefore, I’m taking a risk.  I have created a Forumspring account.  Yes, you can now ask me any question you want anonymously.   I’m a little scared about what may come up, but I’ll do my best to make sure the most interesting questions are answered first.

Let’s give it a go!

Recently, I’ve been posting (umm, maybe a little like petitioning) for a new feature through Trizle’s site: Mentoring.

Maybe part of me misses the professor/student relationship I had as an undergrad.  Maybe another part of me is, well, still a bit young to being a full-time freelance machine.  I can’t think of a better way to get advice that fits what I’m doing other than through another freelancer who knows the ropes.

I’ve been blessed in that my Dad is a freelance maverick of his own in the I.T. world, but the work he and I do are worlds apart.  He’s SQL server-ing people in the face while I’m designing audio for games.  He commutes to work while I telecommute… you get the idea.

That said, I’m really working to connect locally this year.  Although I’m still pretty fresh to the area, I hope to stretch my contacts out a bit further.  I know a lot of cool people in Polk County, too, so I feel like I’m off to a basic start.

I’m also thinking about ways in which I can teach and share game design.  Perhaps I’ll finally be able to develop a curriculum that I’m proud to teach.  For now, I’m gathering bits and pieces together in the hope that I can actually be a professor someday.

• Interaction Faction: for my video-game design related rambling, although there really isn’t much to say there.  Also, I don’t think I’m a fan of the tone that I established.  It doesn’t sound like me anymore.
• Silence Theory (offline): A blog about my thoughts on silence in different contexts.
• the TECH of Jen Grier (offline):  My place for soldering projects, etc., and where my work from my Physical Computing class at ITP lived.

I’m guessing that it would be smart to roll all of these blogs into this one, but to use different categories to make RSS easier.  Enjoy my life?  Take the following link for life posts only to your favorite RSS aggregator and enjoy!  Here are the links to do so:

Development Posts Only

Life Posts Only

Tech Posts Only

Don’t worry – I’ll be sure to put these in the side bar for you!

Where I am, the water seems to be too hard, and the air is brittle.  The cold is wreaking havoc on my skin, so the humidifier seems to be the best option. Oh, and I’m impatient.   I was worried that the drastic increase in salt would be bad for my little friend, but he seems to be running better than ever.  This solution seems to address everything on all counts!